snoocher
Congress is considering taking legislative action on a drug that, due to recent studies, appears to be a new gateway to heroin. Law enforcement agencies have been reporting an increasing number of heroin related crime over the past decade. According to the CDC the number of deaths from heroin started increasing in 2005 at 2,000 deaths then the number skyrocketed from 3,000 in 2010 to 14,000 in 2015. Due to these statistics lawmakers have been devising a plan to remedy the epidemic that has ruined so many lives.
At a recent news conference the U.S. Attorney General stated, “We have been looking for solutions to the problem of the heroin epidemic. My team of priests and clergy have suggested that we attack the root of the problem by blocking the gateway to heroin… caffeine.” The Attorney General elaborated that, according to a study by Bob Jonas University from 2002, nearly 98% of people who have used opiates have also consumed caffeine. “It’s a smoking gun and clear evidence that caffeine is obviously just as bad as heroin. One causes the other, and we’re considering working with the DEA to make coffee and chocolate Schedule 1 drugs and to take down the coffee cartel supply routes.” Most law makers currently are not in favor of the plan except for representatives from Utah.
